Martha Beck’s article in the July issue of O magazine offers a compelling and very simple way to create more joy in your life. Start accepting those you love just as they are without any need or wanting to change them.
This is consistent with Hale Dwoskin’s Sedona Method and the idea that “what you resist, persists”. Martha gave me a different way to look at my concern about loved ones’ behaviors that I believe are detrimental to them. She suggested that we love without caring, that “real healing, real love comes from people who are both totally committed to helping—and able to emotionally detach.”
Interestingly, she goes on to say that when we’re anxious and controlling, others mirror our emotions and they become anxious and controlling. Likewise, when we relax by letting go of expecting the other person to change, they will mirror our relaxation, and may be more open to make changes that they want.
Much as we might want to, we can’t make others change their behavior; we can only change our reaction to them and keep trying different approaches until we get the outcome we want.
Regardless of what others are doing, we can still find joys to embrace. Such acceptance may not instantly make you content but you have to take 100% responsibility for creating ways to thrive and joys to embrace.
If Helen Keller could write, after growing up deaf and blind, “I seldom think about my limitations, and they never make me sad,” then you can find a way to be happy regardless of what others are doing.
There’s nothing more important than making ourselves happy in the moment because we will then attract more of that into our lives. Right here, right now, you can create that state of happiness of joy regardless of what else is happening in your life by letting go of attachments to outcomes and focusing on what you have to be grateful for right now.
If you’re waiting for “when”, as in “when I get that job” or “when I have enough money” or “when I find that ideal companion” to be happy, guess what? “When” never arrives.
Focus on the now and what you’re grateful for right now (and we have plenty to be grateful for) and you’ll notice a change in how you experience the world.
“Tomorrow is the future; yesterday is the past; today is a gift…that’s why it’s called the PRESENT!”
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